Extramarital affairs are common — perhaps more so than you might think.
In Australia, around 60% of men and 45% of women admit an affair has taken place under the nose of their partners, suggesting 70% of marriages in total experience infidelity in this way.
When exposed, the revelation that one person is engaging in an affair can cause intense emotional pain for both parties and contribute to a breakdown of marriages and long-term relationships. Which might be why this one woman has decided to keep her infidelity habits a secret from her husband.
Christine (not her real name) is a 34-year-old retail assistant living in New South Wales. A few years into her marriage, she found herself feeling bored and underappreciated, and she craved a way to feel sexy and wanted once more.
On a mission to maintain her marriage and yet still find the excitement and affection she craved, Christine joined extramarital dating website Ashley Madison, where she has since engaged in a number of affairs.
Here, she opens up on all aspects of her secret life — from the places she has sex, to whether she’s really happier in her marriage now.
Why did you decide to engage in an affair?
My marriage had plateaued; it was flat, boring and mundane. My husband and I were missing the excitement and fun together and I wanted to feel sexy again, but he was too involved with his phone and I felt lost and unloved.
We grew distant and eventually neither of us could be bothered to put any effort into our marriage. I joined Ashley Madison in 2018 and have since been able to rebuild my confidence and self-esteem. I feel sexy and wanted now.
How many people have you had affairs with?
I’ve met five men in total, but only two have been an ongoing affair. I’ve made sure that every man I engage with understands the value of respecting the other person’s privacy and family life, otherwise it won’t work.
I’ve put a lot of thought into how I go about my affairs because my husband has no idea and I’d like to keep it that way.
Where do your meetings usually take place, and how do they typically go?
I like to go on a coffee date first — it doesn’t have to be coffee; it’s mainly just an initial meeting to see if there’s any sort of connection.
Pictures online can be deceiving and sometimes there’s just no physical connection. If it’s all good and mutual between both parties, we organise another time to meet and flirt to build up the tension.
Or if the setting is right to have sex right there and then, well, we don’t let an opportunity get away from us.
Where and when do you have sex with your extramarital partners?
I prefer hotels with my ongoing meetups. I did have an experience at a man’s house once, but personally I think that’s too risky to be doing.
We also have fun in car parks, on the beach, and other outdoor areas. Finding a suitable time that works for both parties is vital to keep everything a secret. Late nights… early mornings… sometimes you just avoid going where people expect you to be.
Have you ever been caught, or had any close calls?
No, because I know when to pick my timing between when I should and shouldn’t chat to people online. The key to maintaining a secret affair lies in communicating with your extramarital partner about when you absolutely cannot see or speak to them.
How do you think your husband would react if he found out?
It would probably break up my marriage, but I also think we’re a power couple. We work through tough situations well. This is just one situation I hope we never have to deal with.
Are you happier in your marriage now that you are getting what you want?
I know it’s risky, but I’m happy. Happy wife, happy life, right?
I’m desired and admired, and it’s improved my home life. I can be the mum and wife who is needed at home. I do all that’s required of me and then I go out and have the extra fun I also desire.