Joel Burrows is a poet who has been published by Cordite, Going Down Swinging, and Stilts Poetry, amongst others. He’s also a huge fan of The Block. In this series, Block-erty, Joel will go through each episode of The Block’s 2023 season. Please enjoy his recap of The Block’s first week and spiciest bathroom reveal.
The Block — Episode One
Five households, all alike in dignity.
Charming Street, Hampton East,
Melbs, Victoria, Australia, Channel 9,
Your television, the internet, le memes,
Is where we lay our scene, babes.
Kyle and Leslie,
Are you ready to
Humble yourselves to the edit?
Kristy and Brett,
Are you ready to
Paint an ocean’s worth
Of white paint?
Leah and Ash,
Are you ready to
Miss your kids?
Gian and Steph,
Are you ready to
Become a
Cheating scandal?
Eliza and Liberty,
Are you ready to
Fulfil The Block’s
Quota of blondes?
Five households, all alike in dignity.
Charming Street, Hampton East.
Are you ready to try and make millions?
Good luck.
The Block — Episode Two
“Gian, we’re doing
The wrong bathroom!”
A shovel,
A bathtub filled with
The guts of old walls,
Delusions of triumph.
They all surround Gian’s
Tangible body.
Gian’s a finance worker.
His partner, Steph,
Is an Architect.
An Architect who
Misunderstood the week’s brief.
The Block — Episode Three
It’s a Tuesday night,
And The Block illuminates
Your work-weary slouch.
A question begins
To crawl from
Your television screen.
“Is the price of a bedhead
Worth this Sisyphean drama,
A river of lies, an hour of your life?”
Channel 9 then whispers back, “Yes.”
The Block — Episode Four
In Melbourne,
Leah is shopping for
Bathroom supplies.
In Brisbane,
Leah’s four-year-old
Somehow cuts
Open her head.
The gash between
The two is 1775 km deep
And 1775 km wide.
“My kids have
Never had stitches before.
I’m just not there for her.”
The Block — Episode Five
Dear Gian and Steph,
Your shaving cabinet doesn’t fit.
Its grate is not the right size.
You have missed
Deadline after deadline.
You have turned into
Puddles of sadness.
You are both human,
So you invite Steph’s dad over
And collapse into his
tradesman-made shoulders.
You are both human,
And you let him work for no pay.
Dear Gian and Steph,
You are now both embroiled
In a cheating scandal.
During The Block’s bathroom reveals,
You both scored a brutal last place.
House Four,
Thank you for some
Excellent television.
Humble yourselves to the edit.
Your destiny is no longer yours to behold.
The Block drops on Sundays through to Wednesdays on Channel 9 and the 9Now app.
Want more Block details? Read all of our coverage here, and click the links below:
- A Definitive Ranking of Every Cheating Scandal
- Why We Love The Block — Even in a Cost of Living Crisis
- Is the Finale of This Year’s Block Already in Trouble?
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