Roses are red, violets are blue, your ex was a total d-bag, so feed them to a hagfish or meerkat — you choose!
El Paso Zoo in Texas is keeping their Valentine’s Day tradition going; naming a cockroach after an ex (or enemy) of our choice and feeding them to a meerkat. And this year, the SEA LIFE Sydney Aquarium is jumping on-board too. They’re offering you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to feed your ex to a hagfish.
What is a hagfish, you ask? I hagfish feeds on any scrum lying on the ocean floor in the most repulsive way — from the inside out — just the way you ex deserves to go. A perfect metaphor, no?
Not only do hagfish eat with very little etiquette, they also aren’t that cute to look at; kind of resembling an intestine with horn-like things on their face and an overall purple-ish-grey colour.
Put it this way: no-one wants to be eaten by a hagfish.
For the opportunity to feed your ex to a hagfish, click here and provide your ex’s first name (no surnames please, we still have a bit of class!) and explain in 25 words or less why they deserve to be fed to a hagfish. Only 10 exes will be fed to the aquarium’s hagfish, so be sure to include as much gruesome detail as possible. Now is your chance to vent!
All entries will also be required to make a $1 donation to the SEA LIFE Trust which will go towards protecting aquatic animals and their habitats.
The competition closes at 11.59pm AEST on Thursday 11 February 2021. Ten singles with the worst exes will receive a video of their ex being fed to a hagfish on Sunday 14 February 2021. It will also be available to watch on SEA LIFE Sydney Aquarium’s Facebook and Instagram pages on Valentine’s Day. How much better does it get?!
As for the El Paso Zoo, your ex (now a cockroach) will be fed to the meerkats and the frenzy will be live-streamed on Facebook on the weekend of Valentine’s Day for the world to see.
Starting now, through to February 12, you can visit the El Paso Zoo website and submit a name.
This has got to be the most amazing, creative and satisfying thing to witness. It also makes the perfect ‘f*ck-you-I’m-glad-we’re-over’ gift.
C’mon ex-lovers, go big or go home.